Judy was the catalyst. She was the spark. The night of her funeral marked the beginning of the evening that we celebrate today. One woman who was both respected and adored by the older Gay men of my generation. Like me, they were raised on her movies and her ballads. They related to her hardships and her immense talent to communicate through song. Not even the influence of Lady Gaga or Madonna can approximate the affect that Judy had on Gay men growing up in the sixties.
Today each one of us must ask, "What can I do?" Some of the younger GLBT generation believe that they can exercise the necromancy of confrontation to bring back the spirit of Queer Nation. They feel anger and they believe that violent means can bring about change. Their cries distill the rainbow of individuals in our complex society into stereotypes. "The government is fucked! The police all hate Gays!" This is exactly the problem that we face as GLBT people when we try to open dialogue with conservative factions within our society.
One woman was the spark in 1969. One tiny woman with a big voice and an even bigger heart.
Friday I was asked by a work colleague why Gay marriage was so important. "I support your right to marry, I honestly do. I just want to know what difference would it actually make to be married to your partner."
I turned to my colleague and started to tell her how not having the ability to marry has forced my partner and I to pay more in taxes in the United States; how it denies my partner the ability to share my prudent health insurance at work; how all of the benefits of my retirement package will not be available to him; how the lack of marriage even has an impact after my death, giving the rights of my body and burial to my children and not to my life partner.
My colleague stopped and thought. "But that is just not right," she exclaimed. "I mean, that's not right!"
"Now you understand," I said to her. "It is not right. Practically speaking, not having the right to marry makes my partner and I second class citizens."
"I finally get it," she responded. "I have never thought of it like that."
As my colleague walked away I thought of that old shampoo commercial on television. The advertisement began with one woman shampooing her hair and then extolling the virtues of the product to her friends. "She told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on." And as the narrative continued, the image of the woman on the screen quickly reproduced itself in zygote fashion.
Perhaps it is my lingering optimism as a child of the sixties that encourages me to believe that one person can make a difference; that each of us can be a catalyst for change. I feel that if each of us shares the pragmatic implications of the denial of marriage with others, we can create meaningful dialogue and, subsequently, lasting change.
During the last decade of her life Judy Garland was loved because she continued to communicate on a personal level. A list of some of her most loved songs demonstrates the personal nature of her overall message: "I Wish I Were in Love Again," "I Feel a Song Comin' On," "How About Me," and the moving "It Never Was You." Her most famous rendition of the Harold Arlen song "Over the Rainbow" still resonates after more than eighty years, a message of hope sung beneath a growing canopy of storm clouds. Every person who heard her sing live says the same thing, "It was as if she was singing directly to me."
In the late nineties my relative Jim Bigney asked a simple question of the Human Resources Development Canada, "Why am I denied surviving spouse's benefits?" Together with others in Canada, he alleged discrimination based on sexual orientation (Canada (Attorney General) v. Bigney, [1998] F.C.J. No. 1336 (F.C.T.D.)(QL)). His lawsuit joined with a number of others in creating dialogue about Gay marriage in Canada. One man joined by others like him, all relating their personal stories of how they were pragmatically affected by the denial of this civil right. (For more about this discussion in Canada, see: http://www.samesexmarriage.ca/evolution/billc23.html.)
We can make change when we shed the collective mask and speak honestly with those around us. "Gay marriage is an issue to me because - " We must be willing to speak openly about ourselves and allow people to see that we have a human visage before we assume the collective GLBT mask. We must "Come Out" again and share how the denial of our rights has affected us personally. While there is a time for confrontation, we must also learn the importance of speaking from the heart, of sharing our stories.
Thank you, Judy Garland!
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