Honesty as Nonconfession

"Honesty," a mantra that we hear over and over again when discussing Leather and Leather relationships. We invoke it at every title contest and every event without ever stopping to think about the actual meaning of the word relative to communication with others.

Honesty is not founded on confession. To confess one's deep secrets and desires feels good. It serves a function similar to our need to defecate and urinate. And, like urination, it can be used effectively as an element of play. But confession is not the foundation of good communication.

Honest communication is founded on effective speaking and active listening.

When we speak honestly we communicate in language that is concise and that can be clearly understood. We do not hide behind gnostic phrases or apocryphal statements that bolster an artificial claim to top-down power dynamics. We use words that will effectively deliver our message.

When we are honest we actively listen. We try to remove as many preconceptions as possible so that we can be receptive to the message of the speaker. We acknowledge the role of the other in the exchange, recognizing that each has a role of equal importance.

Listening is especially difficult for men who consider themselves dominant. We dominant types often believe that listening is a passive activity and reject our role as listener. "Shut up, boy!" Sadly this command is heard all too often in our midst. As dominant men, we simply want to believe that we have a more important role in the communication process. This is, to be plain, utter bullshit!

My owned property is a far more educated man than I am. I welcome his opinions and encourage him to speak openly with me in discussion. Rather than compromise our positions as MASTER and property, the honest communication facilitates a greater bond between U/us. At this point, he can literally read my thoughts when we are together.

I applaud the Community for invoking the word "honesty" in nearly every speech and essay. If we could put it to practice in our communication skills we would find ourselves rid of the petty politics and drama that plague many of our club events and title contests. What a great Community that would be!